This evening when i got back from work I took my battery out of my new electric bike and plugged it in to be charged as I normally do inside the bottom of my apartment which you need a Magnetic Pass to enter. I went upstairs and had dinner, this was pretty late maybe around 9:30 or so.

After an hour or so my Sammi’s cousin went downstairs to plug in her battery also. She came back upstairs and said that someone had put my battery back into my bike and that two weird looking peasant fucks were staring through the door window, who quickly left when they were spotted.

Sammi went downstairs to check because I was busy working then she phoned me and said that someone had opened my bike lock so I went downstairs to check it out.

I told her to phone security which came after a minute or two. We then proceeded to explain what had happened and my Sammi’s cousin described the two men as being young and from the countryside and one wearing a black sports jumpsuit and the other wearing a white sports jumpsuit typical Chinese wanna be thugshit clothing. About 30 seconds later who should walk through the central area just in front of our apartment but two men from the countryside one wearing a white jumpsuit and the other a black looking toward our door then quickly shuffling away. Sammi’s cousin immediately pointed them out to the security guard as the one she saw at the window. Who after some delay radioed some other guards and told them to look for a man in white and one in black.

We told the security guard why not go detain them yourself now, you are closest to them so off he went after them leisurely not in any real hurry. We then phoned the Police which was pointless because they told us they wouldn’t come because it was late and that the security guards should deal with it, further solidifying my opinion of the uselessness of Police in China

After a while we phoned security again to see what was happening, eventually the guards came back to the bottom entrance of our apartment building they told us they were unable to find the two men. I don’t know how the guard was unable to catch up with the two men who were just 20m in front of him when he left to go catch them. I could understand if finding the guy wearing black was difficult to find at nighttime but not the guy wearing white he stuck out way too much.

Sammi’s belief is that the security guard was afraid of catching the men and having trouble. You think they would have received some training before being allowed to be a security guard at a complex geared towards Expats.

So now my bike is broken, my lock is broken, the ignition on my bike has been wrenched open to allow them to drive it without a key which means i can’t even use it to go somewhere to fix my bike. So now my bike is completely immobile and i need it for work tomorrow.

I hold the guards to blame for this because i believe most of them are incompetent and don’t watch carefully enough and don’t patrol enough. I moved into this complex from a cheaper apartment complex in SIP. Since i am paying more money I would have expected better quality service from the guards. The last place i lived at the guards were very attentive and checked almost everyone going in and out and we never had any issues.

I’m trying to find out the correct channel to make a proper complaint and I plan to hold this complex financially responsible for all damages. Tomorrow I plan to have someone come fix my bike and buy a new lock I will give the bill for all this to the people in charge of the management.

I don’t know why we are paying a fee to the guards every month is they are not doing anything to deserve it. we need more than just someone to open the gate at night we need some guards that can make us feel safe here. Today it’s bike thieves maybe later it will be break-in’s and assault.

If i ever catch anyone trying to steal my electric bike again i will kick the fucking shit out of them. Then once I’m finished that I will attempt to shove my electric bike completely up their ass. I’m pretty sure my bike won’t fit up there and i’m positive the effort would rip their body apart but that wouldn’t matter because after that I will sell their torn flesh to the Yangrouchuan guys to use instead of cat on the barbeque . Then the money I get for their fucking meat I will use to fix my bike again

Fuckers I’m coming for you

Posted in Rants, Scary, Suzhou, My life 4 Comments »

Today is the worst day of my life; I guess I’m attractive to gays. Today me and Sammi were on Shi Quan Jie Sammi went off to buy a milk tea for me and herself. Suddenly out of nowhere this young Asian man appeared and stopped next to me and Said “hi” to me in the type of stereotypical voice normal reserved for gay men in comedy movies. I however ignored that and proceeded to say hi back to him because I’m a friendly person I thought maybe he just has funny pronunciation. However, the next few questions quickly changed my mind. it was when he asked me where I was from he said “so cutie where are you from” I knew for sure that he was flaming gay and since Sammi was still getting the milk tea I couldn’t run away so I replied I’m from Canada to which he responded “Oh I like Canada, because it rhymes with banana. I like bananas very much? After which he sang Canada banana banana Canada. I was seriously creeped out, and this guy kept getting closer and closer to me. Then to make things even more weird and creepy he said “Your handsome I like you, I like big foreigners very much”. At the same time as he said this he did a pelvic thrust in my direction. That was the last straw I was panicking so I looked over at Sammi telepathically telling her to hurry the fuck up or I was bolting. When the Flamer saw me staring at Sammi, he said in a disapproving tone “who’s that girl, Is she your friend or tour guide?” I was finally able to save myself by informing him that Sammi was in fact my wife. To which he responded “ Ahhhh Shucks your already taken?? I responded “yeah”.

Finally Sammi came over and saved me from the conversation so the guy said “ ok I hope to see you again privately sometime” and quickly walked away swiveling his hips. As we got back onto the bike to go back home Sammi said “I think he wanted to fuck you” “NO SHIT” was the only correct response.

Normally I have no problem with gays I completely believe that they should be entitled to the same privileges as straight people with no persecution or harassment , a few of my friends in Canada where openly gay but this guy was too much, He would have been rejected from the gay pride parade because he was too flaming

I will be avoiding Shi Quan Jie for the next 6 months and if I’m forced to go there I will carry a sign that says “PROSTITUES AND DESPERATE SINGLES FUCK OFF I’M MARRIED”

Excuse me I will go have nightmares now

Posted in Scary, Suzhou, My life 7 Comments »